If I were to meet you in the street, I would have no idea who you are. This is because you are a stranger reading a blog and I am not some weird psychic person who knows people before she's met them. So far, so fine. But if you were the mum of someone in my son's class who I've seen every morning and afternoon for four years and I bumped in to you in Morrisons I would vaguely recognise you as someone I know from somewhere, have a bland conversation with you and about two hours later remember where I know you from. The same goes for people I went to school with. I will have spent twelve years with you and I'm lucky if I remember your name.
Nine years ago I had a job as a police dispatcher. You know those people who talk over police radios giving the officers jobs to go to? I was one of them. And for ten hours a day I would communicate with people over the radio waves using only their collar numbers to identify them. But if one of those people I'd spent all day talking to walked in to the office, would I remember their name or know who they were at all? No I wouldn't. I would have to wait until they came close enough for me to sneakily glance at their shoulder, type their number in to the computer, then bingo, I had their name. At first I put this down to it being a new job and there being a lot of names to remember. Fast forward two years to a works night out and I spend the evening stood next to my friend with the conversation going a bit like this:
Me 'Who's that?'
Friend 'John Smith'
Me 'Thats no good to me, what's his number?'
Friend (very fucking wearily) '1171'
Me (with cogs in brain finally cranking in to gear) 'Oh yeah, I know him.'
Repeat until I'm too drunk to care.
My memory fails me in other ways. Even if I have managed to commit your name to my grey matter, if I'm put under pressure and say have to introduce you to my boss, I will forget your name and my bosses name.
And it's not just names, it's dates. I always thought that everyone was like this and that it was the natural order of things. You get a bit older and you forget stuff. It turns out that most people can remember important dates in their life, my other half for example knows the exact date seven years ago when he set off travelling round Australia. Or further back when he took his GCSE's. Just on the tip of his tongue. He doesn't have to work forward from birth like I do - If I was born in 19.. then I went to school four years later and was at that school for seven years and then at secondary school for five years, that's when I took my GCSE's. SERIOUSLY. I HAVE TO DO THAT EVERY TIME. To remember which is left and right, I think each time that my granny's upstairs hallway light switch was on the left. EVERY FUCKING TIME.
We live in a small town and every time me and the other half walk up the high street he will recognise at least five people that he knows. Could be from school or wherever, but he knows their name and everything. I AM SOOOO JEALOUS.
I have decided to blame my fuck awful memory on the drugs I did as a student. I've never heard as fucking your memory up forever as a side effect of acid and speed (no not together, that would be silly) but it's all I've got so I'm sticking to it.
I'm also blaming it on the fact that my memory is FULL of song lyrics. Probably the same songs I was listening to when taking drugs. Any Suede, Pulp, Carter USM song or other band of that era for that matter I can recite off by heart. And new songs seem to worm their way in there as well. Real actual useful stuff doesn't stand a chance of staying in my head, there's no room left.
J is my nine year old son, but being terribly modern, my other half is not his dad and the bump will be his first child. Lately there have been a lot of conversations in this house along the lines of 'so when did J first smile/walk/talk?' and to each of these questions the very best I can do is an educated guess. That's not good is it? So this time round not only will I take pictures, I will put dates on the pictures. (But no I will NOT be putting those pictures on Facebook.)
Oh, and if we were ever to meet, could you please wear a namebadge? Super.
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