On that occasion the doctor was right, it did get better but it has always come back. This current attack seems to have lasted forever but in actual fact is probably about eight months. So here's the thing, pain is BORING. I'm so bored of it. I hobble about like an old woman, it's like toothache but in my hip. Nagging and relentless with the odd sharp twinge that makes me laugh and say swear words out loud. If my brain were a pie chart, imagine 90% of that pie chart coloured in red and labelled 'Pain' and the other 10% coloured yellow and labelled 'Everything Else' and this is what my brain is occupied with ALL THE TIME. Sometimes, it can drop as low as 70% and very rarely I will have the odd day with no pain at all and then I get lulled in to a false sense of security, thinking that it might be getting better. But no, it always reappears like the utter wanker it is. Painkillers don't really make much difference, but Tramadol are nice in that ooh I feel a bit off my face way, so I take them. I drink to excess at the weekend just so I can guarentee myself more than two hours unbroken sleep. (The very most fun thing about my hip is that if I roll on to my right side in my sleep - which is the side I've always slept on - the pain wakes me up)
I thought I would write all this down to try and re balance my brain. I'm sooo bored of thinking about pain all the time, it drags me down, my mental health suffers and I get terribly sad and feel really sorry for myself. I try and tell myself that others are much worse off than me and I should be grateful for having two arms and two legs and three out of four of them work really rather well.
So that's it, I don't have a pithy ending to this post, I've seen an orthopaedic consultant and am waiting for an appointment for an MRI scan. Somewhere along the line I'm hoping they'll give me a big steroid injection which won't cure things but should give me some relief for a bit. For now, it's a Sunday night and am on my second glass of wine so a good night's sleep beckons.
