When I look back on my blogs, I notice that every time a school holiday ends, I feel the need to write about it, so sorry if I'm getting a bit boring.
To the uninitiated, I have two sons Simon* who is ten and Logan who is five months. Simon's dad and I are no longer together and over the summer Simon decided to move down south near London with his dad. He visits us (me, husband, baby and dog) in the school holidays.
Dear Simon,
I do this thing called blogging, it's a bit like writing a diary on the Internet that other people can read. A lot of what I write is about you and about how much I love and miss you so I thought I'd write a letter to you to tell you all about it.
I properly loved seeing you at half term, I'm sorry you couldn't come until Sunday because you had a party on the Saturday and that you wanted to go on Friday because you had another party to go to but it made me treasure the time you were here all the more. The zoo was good wasn't it? My favourite animals were the lemurs and the macaws, I thought it was amazing to be able to see them fly around.
I'm sorry that I have to spend so much time looking after your little brother. It must be weird for you because until you were six it was just me and you at my house, then Craig came along and I know at first he found it difficult because he wasn't used to children but he loves you very much now. Then me and Craig got married and then along came Logan and everybody makes a big fuss of babies so I imagine you might feel a bit left out. But as Logan gets older he'll be more fun and will look up to his big brother and you'll be able to teach him to blow raspberries and introduce him to The Simpsons.
I'm also sorry that you don't have the same relationship with me that you do with your dad. I wish with all my heart that I loved Call Of Duty and knew about all the different weapons but my brain is not wired to be interested in those things. I know from the little glimpses I see that you and your dad laugh and joke about lots of things and maybe it's just because I don't see you as often or because I'm a bit rubbish but I don't seem to be able to do that.
When me and your dad split up, every time I took you to visit your dad you used to cry because you wanted to stay with me. You won't remember that because you were only little and I used to wait for you to come back because my life was a bit empty and boring without you. As you got older you and your dad started getting on better, but you were still my very best boy. I changed my job and took pay cuts so I could always take you and pick you up from school snd always loved our time together, you were my best helper in the kitchen and we used to make biscuits or cakes every weekend. I've never had very much money but we used to have days out in the park or at the beach where looking in the rock pools or building sandcastles was fantastic entertainment.
When you started liking wrestling I would try and wrestle with you but I probably wasn't any where near as good as your dad. I think this was the start of you prefering your dad to me. Your dad has always treated you more like his best friend rather than a son and would talk to you about things which I didn't always think appropriate. You were six when I started seeing Craig and you asked me if I kissed Craig's willy. Something which your dad had said to you.
But I was still there every day for you at the school gates, having rushed from work and if you'd been at your dads the night before I would have been in work from five o clock in the morning to make my hours up. I loved our walks home from school where you and your friend would talk about who had been in trouble or what you'd had for dinner.
I could go on and on about how much I love you and how much I miss you. I don't think a minute of the day goes past when I don't wonder what you're up to. I'm happy that you've settled in well at your new school and have lots of new friends but just remember, your room is here for you any time you want it.
Lots of love and massive hugs,
Your mam.
